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Harrisburg resident finds peace
By
RACHEL SHEPHERD
HARRISBURG, Pa. - Alberta Hamms knows hard work and the challenge of
leadership. She is legally blind, is an active member of her church and
her community, a full-time college student, and the president of the
Student Government Association (SGA) at Harrisburg Area Community College. Born Albert A. Hamm in 1941 in north central Pennsylvania, Hamm appeared to live a “normal” life. Yet, at 6 years old, she believed she was a girl trapped in a boy's body and by high school there was no doubt in her mind. In 1967, Hamm married a woman - they were married for the next 30 years. Together, they had one daughter who is now 33. “I assumed if I slept with a woman, I would change,” Hamm said. “I did a very good job at living a double-life and I did not discuss this with anyone.” Hamm said her marriage was a “marriage of convenience.” She says there was faultiness to the relationship because she saw her more as a companion than a wife. Throughout the marriage, Hamm’s wife would find women’s clothing and question her. It came to the point where Hamm knew she would have to tell her. She says, “I knew once I told her, what would happen.” After 30 years of marriage, Hamm filed for divorce and has since spent that time coping with who she says she was at birth: a female trapped in a male’s body. “I was living a lie and I had to be someone I wasn’t,” she said. In 1994 it took a physical toll on her, when she had what she assumed was a heart attack. However, doctors told her it was built-up stress from living this double life. Her condition would worsen if she did not come to terms with who she is, and so that year, she “came out of the closet.” In February of 1995, Hamm started what she calls her physical “transition” to become 100 percent female. She does not like calling a sex-change operation, because she truly believes her sex/gender has always been female. She said she would have liked to complete her transition earlier, but the costs of the operation prevented her from doing so. The cost of the procedure ranges anywhere from $10,000 to $100,000. “I have retired and I was able to use some of my retirement to cover the costs.” In her case, she ended up completing her journey at the cost of $18,000. She says, “It was a journey with a lot of detours. Yet, at the end was complete happiness and contentment.” Hamm now feels “liberated” because she is the woman that she says she has always been internally. “I no longer have the fear of doing such simple things as going swimming or going to the doctor,” she says. “Anytime I visited a doctor, I always had to give an explanation. It was embarrassing and it hurt. I always had to explain who I was,” she said. Hamm is relieved that she can now explore dating without the fear of being referred to as a “freak.” She has made the transition part of her spiritual life as well. She said the support from her church, the Metropolitan Community Church of the Spirit, in Harrisburg, as well as the students, staff and faculty at HACC was unbelievable. The reaction from the students was most astounding despite her prior apprehension. “It’s like, everybody likes me,” she said. “There is no one on campus I do not get along with.” Hamm also does presentations in classes on gender-identity issues especially in gay and lesbian studies at HACC. She speaks to some psychology, social sciences, and English classes as well as in classes at other colleges and universities throughout the Northeast. “Many students never realize I am transgender,” she said. “They are surprised and accepting. And there are never negative responses from the faculty or the students.” Dana Williams, a former senator in the SGA, says of Hamm, “She is just like a nice old lady. You would never know the difference.” She has also appeared on an MSNBC program entitled, “A Change in Gender,” which was an investigative report aimed at gender-identity issues. Hamm has another area to conquer - her loss of eyesight. About three years ago, Hamm says her sight started to become blurred. After a year, she began wearing special eyeglasses tinted to her sensitivity to light which helped to aid in sight. Now, Hamm is legally blind. She is able to see items blown-up to approximately a size 16 font, but even then things appear blurry. “Everyday,” she says, “I cope with this hurdle. As many [hurdles] that are thrown in front of me, not one will ever knock me down,” Now pursuing the goal of becoming a gender-therapist, Hamm only wishes she could spread her knowledge to everyone. She uses a quote from Gertrude Stein as model for herself, “a rose, is a rose, is a rose.” Except Hamm’s goes something like, “Alberta is Alberta, is Alberta.” All stories in this magazine are the intellectual property of the individual
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